I am looking for my voice in older pieces of writing. I found a paper I wrote for my nonverbal communication class my senior year of undergrad at UGA (1995).To read it click here or just browse www.raysquires.com for essays. That was probably the most influential class I’ve ever taken. I learned the building blocks of how I deal with people in all situations. It basically got me thinking about thinking, constantly analyzing, and censoring myself. Because once I knew what needed to happen to attain comprehension, perceived understanding, of what I want to be understood, then I didn’t see an excuse in not striving for that every time.
Nonverbal communication accounts for a significant percentage of comprehension in a given conversation, details are in my paper. But now that I have Bells Palsy, a temporary paralysis of my face, my nonverbal skills are beyond my reach. It’s good for me because it’s helped me to realize how much responsibility I take in conversations. More than my half. I tend to think for other people, assuming that the outcome of the conversation will go my more way, and so I tend to hyperextend my nonverbal communication. But as meditation teaches me and from what I read about other writers, the best way to let the truth, beauty and art of life materialize is to not try to control it so much. Try not to force it. It’s a matter of trust. Of faith. Even in everyday life, or especially in everyday life I need to trust that what is meant to be will surface. I can try my best, but I can’t try other people’s best. That’s too much forced effort. And even my best is something that I don’t quite understand yet. Maybe just being is my best.
I wanted to preserve the paper, so I had to retype it because all I had was the printed copy. It was a good exercise. I heard my voice and I felt it. I found myself funny, and a little sad, which pretty much describes my experience with Bell Palsy. The title of the paper is Personal Appearance and Breast Size. I got an A+. My teacher, a middle aged man, at the time, named Dr. Leathers, said:
This is a perceptive and highly stimulating paper. This is one of the most original and through-provoking papers that has been prepared for this assignment. The paper is responsive to all parts of the assignment, is well organized, and is well written. Your personal examples that highlight the potential effects of large female breasts on self concept are fascinating. You make skillful use of current and appropriate sources. I would like a copy of this paper.
Unfortunately, at the time, I had a bad case of senioritis. So I never gave him a copy of the paper. Also, I think the word “fascinating” scared me off. I still am a little shy about my boobs. But he’s right. It really was a great paper. Hope you enjoy. Oh and Mom, sorry, but I’ve found another thing to blame you for. No hard feelings, k. Love you.
~Ray
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